After Every Dark Night (revisited)
One of my favorite artists said: "After every dark night, there is a brighter day." (Tupac Shakur) To me, this has become a philosophy that keeps me focused on the hope that someday things will get better. Recently, I have suffered many weeks of depression and loneliness. I have worked on this blog intermittently only and for any potential followers that probably seems pretty obvious. But I wanted to take a moment to discuss some of my troubles, to get a little personal so that our followers might know the challenges that this blog has endured recently.
Back in April of this year, 2019, I made the decision to separate from my girlfriend, who just so happened to be the Product Manager of the blog. It was a hard decision to make but I am now more confident than ever that it was the right one to make. Right decision or not it was still a difficult one. I love her and her daughter very much.
Leaving them was like ripping a part of me off. It tore an immense hole into my heart, which allowed loneliness and immeasurable sadness to flood in. It did not take long for the depression to hit. There are few things that play such a big part in my life, 'family' is one of them. These girls were my family. For reasons I do not wish to get into, I knew that this would be the best for everyone involved.
But leaving someone and letting go are two different things altogether. Maybe I am a fool or a hopeless romantic, but I still believed in the possibility that we would all be a family again someday. Lofty aspirations, I am told, that are doing me more emotional damage than good. So I must move on if I am to ever fully heal from the pain of this separation. I must let go of this idea that God will make this all turn out right, and heal the bitter wounds that are festering within my soul.
You see, I am not just losing a girlfriend, whom I considered marrying, but I am losing a daughter as well. And she was such a talented and amazing little girl. That girl could draw like it was nobody's business. Drew me the attached picture actually. My love for her became so strong, I had come to view her as my own kid, that it has been one of the most difficult parts of letting go. I miss you kiddo.
Alas, people who get paid far more than I to know things I do not know, have told me: let go I must. So this Sunday I am going to write them each a letter that I never intend on delivering. Those letters will go into a bottle with a few keepsakes. This bottle will then be launched from a site that has special meaning to us, like a new yacht upon the waters. And in this ceremonial manner, I will find the courage and strength to let go of one of the most amazing chapters in my life.
If you are a believer then I ask for your prayers. If you are not, then burn a candle to represent my vigilance or send good energy my way, healing energy. If I am to continue on in life with some semblance of normalcy this step must be completed. Perhaps then I can drag myself out of this mire of depression and dive into the development of this game with renewed vigor. Only God knows.
Back in April of this year, 2019, I made the decision to separate from my girlfriend, who just so happened to be the Product Manager of the blog. It was a hard decision to make but I am now more confident than ever that it was the right one to make. Right decision or not it was still a difficult one. I love her and her daughter very much.
Leaving them was like ripping a part of me off. It tore an immense hole into my heart, which allowed loneliness and immeasurable sadness to flood in. It did not take long for the depression to hit. There are few things that play such a big part in my life, 'family' is one of them. These girls were my family. For reasons I do not wish to get into, I knew that this would be the best for everyone involved.
But leaving someone and letting go are two different things altogether. Maybe I am a fool or a hopeless romantic, but I still believed in the possibility that we would all be a family again someday. Lofty aspirations, I am told, that are doing me more emotional damage than good. So I must move on if I am to ever fully heal from the pain of this separation. I must let go of this idea that God will make this all turn out right, and heal the bitter wounds that are festering within my soul.
You see, I am not just losing a girlfriend, whom I considered marrying, but I am losing a daughter as well. And she was such a talented and amazing little girl. That girl could draw like it was nobody's business. Drew me the attached picture actually. My love for her became so strong, I had come to view her as my own kid, that it has been one of the most difficult parts of letting go. I miss you kiddo.
Alas, people who get paid far more than I to know things I do not know, have told me: let go I must. So this Sunday I am going to write them each a letter that I never intend on delivering. Those letters will go into a bottle with a few keepsakes. This bottle will then be launched from a site that has special meaning to us, like a new yacht upon the waters. And in this ceremonial manner, I will find the courage and strength to let go of one of the most amazing chapters in my life.
If you are a believer then I ask for your prayers. If you are not, then burn a candle to represent my vigilance or send good energy my way, healing energy. If I am to continue on in life with some semblance of normalcy this step must be completed. Perhaps then I can drag myself out of this mire of depression and dive into the development of this game with renewed vigor. Only God knows.
This article was originally posted in the late spring of 2019. The artwork was done by my estranged ex-girlfriend's daughter immediately after I had separated from her in April. While she was not allowed to legally force me to remove her and her daughter's pictures and names from the blog, she hacked the account and did so anyway. The above article was one of two that were deleted, and it was only possible to renew the post because it was admitted into evidence and so I still had the article on hardcopy. Obviously, the image is one I would hold dear so I still possess that as well. Unfortunately, Google has yet to answer our request to repost the two deleted posts. It s unclear as to whether everything that was changed by her has been discovered and we ask our audience to be aware that we want to be notified if anything inappropriate, or incorrect is found within the blog or any of the lairs. - Developer Producer
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