God's Will is Greater Than Mine

 Approximately two years ago a tribulation arose in my life. Like any hardship there were two ways in which it can be addressed. One can become bitter and angry, letting the pain and suffering of their trial get the best of them. I am sure you know the type. They are angry, quick to verbally and/or physically lash out at those around them. They blame others for their troubles and can never quite admit the part that they played in the mess they find themselves in. Bitter to the end.

The other way is to become better, allowing the hardships of life to refine you. Pain strengthens them. They remain calm when others do not. They find it in them to remain patient, understanding and compassionate to those around them. Troubles come and go and with that understanding they patiently bide their time knowing that it shall pass. Somehow the same pains that damage others give them wisdom and tolerance.

It would be dishonest to say that the Developer Producer of this blog (that's me!) takes his licks and goes straight to better, but bitter certainly isn't the end result. Well, whatever may come of my struggle, one thing can be certain: much growth has come from my hardship. 

There are some things that I know for a fact: people cannot change the past, no one is perfect and real love is eternal. Going into the struggles of the last 27 months I was depressed, confused and pretty angry. But those emotions became the fuel that propelled me onward. Confusion was replaced with understanding. Depression became indifference and anger became acceptance. It took friends, prayer and time for it to happen.

I have never been one to consider anyone an enemy. But this time I believe that I know who consider me an enemy. Jesus tells us to love our enemies, and I can say with complete certainty that I do. Does it matter that I loved them before they became enemies? No, I do not believe it does.

When someone says a relationship is based on Faith, Hope and Love it will either be revealed in time to be accurate or the hollowness of their words will echo resoundingly. You see faith means believing that it will all work out for the best. There is no need to control the outcome because faith comforts and soothes. No need to worry, nor to get bent out of shape, God has it in His hands. And there is no better place for such things to be.

Hope is the fuel that keeps the beacon of Faith burning. It promises a sweet ending, reminds you that the cold rain nurtures growth and rejuvenates. Hope sows the seeds of true justice; it swells the empty water-skin with a refreshing drink of possibility. 

Love is the adhesive that keeps the other two together. It is the linchpin.When hope seems lost love is the compass. When faith seems pointless love is the encouragement. Love defies our sense of reason and motivates us when every shred of our being wishes to give-in, give-up and lie down defeated. It is the element that is hard to define yet you know what it is the moment you feel it.You would sacrifice anything for it.

To share these three attributes with others we must first have it within us. Otherwise, making claims to others of our ability to procure them is a lie. This is what it takes to truly love. Two years ago I wasn't so sure that I was able to manifest  these virtues, not honestly at least. I have always been plagued by doubt. An unfortunate side-effect of a traumatic childhood. But the furnaces of tribulation have melted away the dross of doubt and I know that whatever happens I am loved by God. That in turn reveals how genuine my love for my kiddos is. All three of my little angels. That can never be taken away from me. No matter how much mud someone may cover it in.